I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14
Do we really believe that? I mean really, do we? Have we ever complained about the way your hair is, your pimples, wrinkles, foot size, short fat fingers, the color of your eyes, the size of your nose, or even how you do or don't smell? I know I have had my share of complaints about the things I would LOVE to change regarding my looks. As I was confronted with this verse in Psalms today along with a great book I am reading I got to thinking about how as a mother my comments or complains may be affecting my kids in a way that is tearing down rather than building up. Wandering how my words of complaining about how I wish I were this way or that instead of praising the Lord for making me just the way HE wanted me to be.
I mentioned a book that I am reading. I was desperate to find help in understanding my tween girls. Yes, I said girls. Plural. In my attempt to find help I was thinking only of Madalyn at the time. But was soon realizing that our Elizabeth is beginning to deal with the same things that her older sister has been struggling with for about 2 years now. That "tween" stage. That age when they don't really play with the dolls so much, but they aren't ready for facebook, or makeup yet either. That age when our bodies are changing, but we haven't hit puberty quite yet. That awkward stage. Anyway, as I was in my search this book jumped out at me. I have been reading it, soaking it up, and just completely in awe of things I am reading. The book is called, Moms' Ultimate Guide to the Tween Girl World, written by Nancy Rue. The book is WONDERFUL and I would highly recommend it to any mom who has girls between the ages of 8 and 12. It is filled with so much, but what stuck out to me today was eye opening and extremely convicting at the same time. So I want to share them with you. Nancy is sharing with her readers what their tween daughters see when they look in the mirror and I just want to take a moment to share 5 things that just made me sit back and examine many things.
1. What the Beauty Culture is today....
societies view of "beautiful" is impossible for 98 percent of women today. their idea of "beautiful" is Flawlessly thin (14% body fat), C or D-cup bust size. Thick, straight, ultra-shiny blonde hair (without any split ends), nails that are perfectly done weekly, and the whitest teeth with plump, luscious lips. This is what we as women are faced with EVERY time we go to the check out counter at the the super market, or the commercials we view on TV. Guess what, it is what OUR daughters are faced with too. They are told that unless you look like this, or smell like that, or dress this way, or so on and so on you aren't beautiful. No wonder there are so many girls today struggling with eating disorders. Which brings me to...
2. The Influence Adults have on the Beauty Culture...
we are shocked when we hear that our daughters think they are fat at age 8. we don't understand why they would choose clothing that most of us moms consider provocative, and don't understand why they so desperately want to wear makeup. Can we really fault them though? Do we get upset or seemed shocked when 30 year olds are writing the scripts, or 50 year olds are producing it, or even the seventy year olds who are profiting from it all? You know, the movies and tv programs our girls are exposed to today? The magazines that they read over and over again that are screaming fashion and cosmetics far more than articles? The commercials that are supposedly selling soap, cereal, or even dog food? How about the billboards we see as we drive down the road, have you seen them? How in the world are we to encourage inner beauty with all of this? Especially when the message that is ringing loud is, "Honey, if you don't look like this, you better get hot, or give up." How do we compete with that as moms?
3. The Influence of their Peers...
The "other kids" and the influence they have is, or feels like it is unbeatable. Even I struggle with this as a homeschooling mom. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like for you who have daughters in the public or private school systems. Girls are always going to compare themselves to the girls around them. For crying out loud, we as women do this still. It is normal. BUT, what is frustrating is that the age of comparison and the desires for contact lenses, makeup, hair dying and so forth are coming at a much earlier age. It used to be that of teenagers, BUT NOW, it is beginning at age 8. WHY?
4. The Effect You (mom) have on Her...
Before I go on, I have to admit that this was the most difficult for me to face. Why? Because I have never really appreciated the way God created me. I have always struggled with wanting to be thinner. To the point of verbally complaining about it. My girls know how unhappy I am and how badly I struggle with self image. Well guess what, I have seen at times the results of that is my own beautiful girls. Especially our oldest. Which by the way is in NO WAY overweight. But, my comments regarding myself have indeed effected that beautiful, talented, wonderful little women. Be careful! Our words are so powerful, no matter who they are directed to. They have power and influence that we so often aren't even aware of.
5. The Effect Christianity has on Her...
Did you ever think this would be one? I didn't. I honestly didn't? How often do we teach our kids in Sunday School that God looks on the heart, not on the outward appearance? And in Matthew 6:25 Jesus tells us, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" , All the while the one teaching is in the most current fashion. At best that seems to be a little confusing to me. I am in NO way saying that we shouldn't take care of ourselves. I truly believe that God has entrusted us with our bodies to take care of. But, the problem comes in when our girls leave Sunday School not understanding that there is a HUGE difference in taking care of ourselves and getting trapped into thinking that if we even like fashion a little bit then we are rotten to the core and should just give up altogether to be a good Christian.
These poor girls. They are so bombarded every single day, whether at school, the store, home watching tv, or even at church. How do we as women, as mothers guide these beautiful, precious gifts from God? How do we as mothers and women grab hold of the truth in Psalm 139:14? How do we BELIEVE and LIVE OUT those words David spoke so long ago? I so wish I had the perfect 3 step plan, but I don't. I'm still working on excepting me for who God created me to be. One thing I do know is that God makes BEAUTIFUL things, and He made me. So that is where I am going to start.
I Praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14
